When I coached baseball, I learned that simple rules could produce complex behaviors which lead to smart outcomes.

You see, I struggled with how much I had to teach the kids. Despite that fact that most of the time a baseball game looks like people just standing around, every time a ball is put in play, there can be utter pandemonium. My first few games, if a batter hit a pop-up every single player rushed to catch the ball. Imagine it. Nice green field of grass. Kids in the ready position. Umpire crouching down behind the catcher as the batter digs in. The pitcher rears back and throws a strike then POW - that bright white ball with the red strings goes straight up up in the air, and nine kids rush to catch it. I mean every single kid charges to get that ball. I was happy that everyone wanted it but assembling a flash mob at the ball is no way to play defense. And... as you might imagine, most times, no one caught it. You might ask, why didn't someone call for it? That was the problem! Multiple kids called for it! Either no one listened for someone to call for it, or everyone listened and therefore no one caught it. We looked like clowns. Lots of busy activity. No productivity.

After a couple of those, the kids felt embarrassed, so no one tried to catch the ball. Better to just let it hit the ground then chase it. But this was my fault. I needed to find a way to teach these kids something every adult seemed to understand. How to work together under pressure. Perhaps not every adult knows how to work together well under pressure, but most baseball players on TV know what to do. But how did they do it?

In truth, I didn't know. But I figured it was better to try something than to keep leaving the kids to struggle. So I made up three simple rules. I told the players, "Here are you rules. When a batter hits a ball, I want you to run through these three things:"

• Catch it
• Cover it
• Back it up

I made the kids repeat it like a mantra. Catch it, cover it, back it up. Catch it, cover it, back it up. Catch it, cover it, back it up.

Catch It

I then explained each rule. If someone hit a ball at you, and you think you can catch it, call for the and try to catch it. We spent time practicing calling for and hearing players calling for balls by putting two kids in the outfield. One player took center the other right, then we would hit a ball between them. As soon as I hit the ball, they would run toward it - the first kid to call it had to try to catch it. We did that over, and over again, and repeated it on the infield. We wanted them to get a sense of what it was like to read a ball off the bat and call for it, but also to be aware when the other player called. We made sure each player got plenty of both experience, both calling for it, and "calling off." We even changed the words they used to make it simple. The player who was going to catch it yelled, "ball ball ball." The one who was "calling off" (not going to catch it yelled, "you you you").

Cover It

The second rule we taught players was to look for a base to cover. This was pretty obvious if your position had the word "base" in it, like first baseman, or third baseman. The two tricky players? Short stop and catcher. But even the pitcher sometimes had to cover a base. The idea was that if you were not going to catch the ball, we wanted the players to look for a base to cover. Get there and expect a throw. Again, we gave them all lots of practice moving on the hit. We got in a lot of repetitions in a short amount of time. Get to the bag and expect the throw.

Back It Up

Finally, if you were not going to catch the ball, and you had no base to cover, could you back up the play? Going back to the first drill in the outfield, this often meant the player who called off acted like he assumed the player calling for the catch would miss it. They would run to the spot where they expected the ball to be if it got by the other outfielder. Other situations, players tried to imagine where there could be an out. This was often first, second, or third - sometimes home. But they moved to be in position in case a throw from the infield got away from the person covering the base.

We not only practiced those plays in person, during water breaks we used baseball cards and marbles with bases drawn in the the dirt to mentally practice. We setup a field, each card representing a player in the right position, and then I would drop the marble saying, "the ball is hit hear" everyone moved their card to the correct spot, or they didn't and we talked about it. We would practice mentally, then physically.

Catch it. Cover it. Back it up.

We did not have to know every single situation the kids would face, just three. Could you catch it? Could you cover a base? Could you back someone up? We trusted the kids to assess the situation and then do the right thing. And it worked like magic.

Game Time

It took a few games, but soon enough all nine kids on our team went into motion the moment a baseball got hit. Nine kids, seven of whom ran away from the ball as the two closest went to make a play. The other kids covered the bases or backed each other up. It was impressive. They just flew. Smack, ball in play, and nine little kids like a machine spread out, covered the bases and either recorded and out or held the batter to a base or two. No more "little league" home runs.

These simple rules completely changed how our team played defense. Catch it, cover it, back it up became a simple checklist players could use without much thought. Simple rules made it easier to look smart without much thinking required.

Those three simple rules enabled all the kids to look and act smart. And so it is from this mindset that I created my cheat code for parents.

It is with this in mind that I created my own cheat code video games. I wanted simple rules, checklists if you will, to make it easier to manage my kid's video game play. I had rules for ending game time, managing screen time, and creating connection.

Ending Game Time

The first rules are pared together.

1. Know how the game ends.
2. Negotiate the end before they start.

If you don't know how a game actually ends, you may not know how to stop it without a fight. So rule one is pretty obvious. Know what you're dealing with. Not ever game can be saved, paused or stopped without losing progress, or disrupting friends. The good news is that the players know exactly how their game ends and they will tell you if you ask.

Second, it is much easier to end a game if everyone's expectations are the same before the game begins. Kids will push boundaries. However, in my experience gamers like to game. So offering them a choice of what game they can play makes a huge difference in how easy it is to end play when it is time to stop. I had a lot of success with kids picking a game they knew they could pause at any moment when we had a hard stop coming. When we had more flexibility, we could use countdowns like, "you have ten minutes to wrap that up."

Managing Screen time.

Screen time is a hot topic, and has been kids started to get smartphones. I won't pretend this is easy. There is growing data that having 24x7 access to the internet is detrimental to children's mental health. Staying in my video game however, I will say that my rule for game time is:

Who is more important than how much.

Modern, connected video games have become the bane of parents existence. Since no company seriously enforces the Child Online Privacy and Protection Act, online games and social media have become the preferred method for predators to stalk prey. Therefore it is crucial to me that I know, and my kids know, who they are playing with. Playing with friends you can hang out with? Awesome. Play for hours. Playing with someone you just met online? Two minutes might be too much time.

I advise parents and kids not to play with people they have not met, nor cannot meet in person. Call it the face-to-face rule.

This rule can exclude many popular games, but that is okay. Not everything that is popular is healthy for pre-teens.

When my kids did play those games, they played together in teams with kids they actually knew. In this way, they could look out for each other.

Consequently when playing with knowng friends, I was flexible. When they played with strangers, we enforced hard short limits.

When playing alone or watching YouTube we treated it like TV. Nothing longer than a movie.

Building Connection

Pre-teens need connection. Their brains are wired for social development. And one of the complaints I hear most often from parents is that they feel like they have lost their child in the world of video games. my solution?

Pretend the video game is their job.

Most parents who play video games, especially games on their smartphones, play casual games. Casual games waste your time. That is what they are designed to do. Kids rarely play casual games. Move of they play core games. Core games challenge players to face hard problems, develop skills and persist until they overcome the problem. These are actually very valuable and transferrable skills.

Becauser of this, I have a second rule:

Never call a game a waste of time.

Why? Because the gamers does not hear the video games is a waste of time, they hear facing hard problems, developing skills, and persisting is a waste of time. Because that is what a video game is to them.

Instead, you can use that video game experience to help your child take the lessons from the game, into the real world.

When you pretend like the game is their job, you can ask them any variations of the following questions.

• What is hard about this game for you?
• How did you overcome your latest challenge?
• What challenge are you facing now?
• What skills do you have to master in the game to get to the next level / defeat the boss / level up your character?

If you try these questions, I promise you will have radically different conversations with your gamer. Many parents have told me this completely opened their eyes into the world of their child's gaming, and more importantly, helped them reconnect with their child and their interest.

In Summary

Simple rules can help inform our actions when life is coming at us fast. Simple rules choose better when there is little time to think. My cheat code has simple rules for several key situations parents face every day with their video gamer. They are:

1. know how the game stops, so you can negotiate the end before play begins.
2. Who is more important than how long.
3. Pretend the game is a job.

Hopefully, you find those rules simple enough to remember, and therefore put into practice. I know in my own family these made a difference, but I have heard from many other parents just like you who have had success applying them.