When I coached little league in the "naughties" (I do love that expression...) I was focused on how to help the kids perform under pressure. There were remarkable books like Mindset by [[Carol S. Dweck]], and [[Grit]] by [[Angela Duckworth]]. These were great texts that highlighted the idea that kids can be primed to have a Growth Mindset, or a Fixed Mindset. What's more, Professor Duckworth explained that effort counted twice in performance where talent only counted once.

We used that information to teach our kids to see themselves as hard workers who enjoyed a challenge. I loved coaching baseball because it was all about learning how to deal with failure. Baseball is an uncontrollable game where even the best fail seven out of ten times at the plate. During that time, however, smartphones, and "freemium" internet video games did not play a significant part of our children's lives.

By 2010, however, the world was beginning to change, and just as I left coaching in 2016 it was already drastically different for most elementary, middle school, and the first wave of high school students.

It turns out, having the right mindset is predicated on another foundation. Is the child living in Discovery Mode? Or are they living in Defend Mode? It turns out, this can make an enormous difference in how a child sees and responds to, the world. A child in Discover Mode can have either a fixed, or a growth mindset. However, it is extremely challenging for a child in defend mode to do anything other than self-protect - a hallmark of a fixed mindset.

In his book, the Anxious Generation, Social Psychologist Jonathan Haidt explains that starting in 2010, many American Children shifted away from Discovery Mode into what he calls chronic Defend Mode. Ideally, humans should be able to switch mode depending upon the needs of the situation, but lately, more and more kids have been living in a kind of perpetual defend mode.

What is Discover and Defend Mode?

At its simplest, Discover Mode and Defend Modes are paradigms - ways of viewing the world. Discover Mode is the behavior that activates when you sense opportunity. Think Puppies. Puppies (and human toddlers) spend a lot of time in Discover Mode. They are curious, open, and ready to explore.

Defend Mode in contrast is characterized by creatures who are constantly afraid and looking for threats. Think Mice, or deer. They are skittish, timid, and ready to run away. Humans can and do enter this mode, but usually only when there is a direct-perceived threat.

For most of human history, a healthy childhood was characterized by lots of discovery mode, and a little defend mode. Starting in 2010, for many American children, which started to flip.

I know that my business, GameTruck started to service the need to provide a safe environment for kids to play video games with their friends. Starting with the pictures of missing children on milk cartons, American's stopped seeing their neighborhoods as safe places to raise their kids. That mindset of distrust - in part fueled by a 24/7 news cycles that prioritized reporting violence against kids, drove parents to prioritize safety. This trend blossomed into an almost obsessive level of physical safety called "safetyism."

Safetyism

What is Safetyism? Safetyism is the unhealthy blossoming of the rational desire to keep kids safe into the belief system in which safety has become a sacred value, and people become unwilling to make trade-offs demanded by practical and moral concerns. In short, 'Safety' trumps everything else, no matter how unlikely or trivial the potential danger."

Despite the rise of Safetyism in the real world, at the same time, across the Anglo sphere, adults accepted unquestionably the reality that we could not provide the same kinds of legal and moral protections online that safetyism demands in the real world. In fact, kids do not have ANY meaningful or effective government protections of any kind online.

For example, A nine-year-old cannot walk into a bar, or casino in the real world, but they can do this online. Adult bookstores cannot give kids porn magazines to take with them to school - not even under the guise of "freedom of speech" but hardcore porn websites ride along in kids pockets all day long on their smartphones. Parents do not have to police bars and strip clubs. The police do that! But parents are left to their own devices to keep their kids safe online. And they are hopelessly outgunned by multi-billion-dollar companies.

This is of course insane.

It is this combination of safetysim combined with a complete abdication of online responsibility Haidt believes is producing an unprecedented rise in mental distress among children. In other words, a generation of kids living in chronic defend mode. Forget mindset. We have turned a generation of kids into defenders.

People who go through life in discover mode (discoverers) are happier, more social, and eager for new experiences. However, people who are continuously in defend mode (defenders) are anxious, tense, and they only rarely have moments of perceived safety.

In short, defenders are primed to see new situations, people, and ideas as potential threats, rather than as opportunities. Discoverers can learn about growth.

When I coached, we moved kids into a growth mindset. They could take on challenges and believe through hard work they would overcome them. Just a decade later, coaches, educators, and parents face can't get to growth mode because they are working with a generation stuck in defend mode.

There is no room for growth in defend mode.

We need to do everything possible to help move our kids to discover mode. This starts by understanding the pressures, influences, and technologies that is hindering their development. It also means being intentional about the kinds of experiences we curate for our children both in the real world and online. Online gaming is not the same as in-person gaming. Playing games on a couch shoulder to shoulder with friends is radically different from playing games with strangers online. Instead of focusing only on-screen time, we need to start asking about "experience quality." And instead of letting billion-dollar businesses that harm kids hide in plain sight, it is time for parents to start asking our government, "Why can't we protect our kids online?"